a typical teen struggle. ‘losing a friend’, whether it be just naturally drifting or severing ties, it hurts. i know, i know, i sound overdramatic and spoilt but seeing someone change into a completely different person does hurt.

tomorrow i turn 15. last year, my bestfriend, lets call her ‘eliza’ stayed up with me, she surprised me on my birthday and she posted a cute instagram post. eliza was growing in popularity and almost all the boys liked her so it was pretty obvious that sooner or later she would leave. anyway, over the summer, her and my other friend had a massive falling out which resulted in plenty of tears, gloomy facetime calls and upset. over the holidays, eliza left, realising that it was in her best interest to stay with the popular girls, so she left. she ghosted all my messages, even though i made it clear to both of them that i wasn’t taking sides, she ignored my messages. coming back to school was strange, we barely spoke but we got put in the same econ class and shes been reaching out to me a bit. too late.

its so strange seeing a person change overnight.

she became one of the girls that she vowed to never be.

the girls who think they’re superior, and bitch about everyone. the girls who prance round the boys and get drunk to make them laugh. the two faced girls who caused her to self harm.
but she suddenly decided that she did want to be one of them

all morals lost.

all realisation and gratitude of who helped her when she was at a low, lost.

sometimes, at random points through the year, a cute throwback picture gets pulled up on my snapchat. i smile and remember how it used to be.

i used to go to her house every friday and stay up all night just talking.

and yes it hurts

and yes it took me a solid couple of months to realise that i needed to stop waiting and that she wasnt coming back.